wishes for 2019

I’m not a fan of resolutions for the New Year, so instead this year I’m putting out my best wishes for myself out into the universe!

2018 was a bit of a wild ride and I was all over the place. I will always remember 2018 as the year that I lost myself but discovered a happier version of myself which I need to bring into 2019 to work on some more, as I’ve really only scratched the surface.


Continue on my road to recovery…

Completing my treatment for my eating disorder was one of the highlights of my 2018. Accepting and reaching out for help was something that I put off for ten years, so accomplishing something that I was so scared of is truly miraculous for me!

Just because I have completed my treatment doesn’t mean that I am recovered. Recovery is something that I will have to choose every single day for the rest of my life. So for 2019 I want to take it one day at a time, having the strength to choose recovery every new day.

Recovery is so much more than me printing off my relapse prevention plan and sticking it to every wall in my apartment. Recovery is a full mindset, and it requires strength and faith to get through. This is going to be one of my biggest challenges, of course, but I really want to be able to look back and say “I am so proud of what I have chose”.


Eradicate bad habits…

They are so easy to form, so easy to quit, then so easy to run back to on a bad day. I have one too many bad habits to list, but acknowledging that they exist in my life and that they negatively impact me is the start of saying goodbye to them!

For the first time in my life I am actually ready to give them all away. I am excited for a life that doesn’t revolve around my bad habits, and for existence that is positively impacted by new, good habits.


Get strong…

I spent the last month of 2018 focusing of strengthening my mental wellbeing, but in 2019 I want to focus more on my physical strength.

I loved going to the gym last year but had to stop due to weight loss, so this time around I’m going to focus more on my strength in the gym, rather than how long I can run on the treadmill for before feeling like I’m going to pass out.

My eating disorder took all of my physical strength, and through recovery I have been given a taste of what my strength could be. I have so much more energy now and I want to do something with it!


Finish my degree…

This one is a big one for me. I spent my whole first term weighing on the thought that I should’ve deferred my final year to have been able to fully focus on my recovery. I ultimately decided against this though, and threw myself into my final year of study – which I regret so much!

But I chose to stay on this path for a reason, so now I have accepted that, I am going to place all my faith in myself and get this degree!


Stick to my routines…

I recently realised how important it is to have routine, so I created both a morning and evening routine to follow each day. It is super simple and nothing too crazy so that I know I will be able to follow it daily no issues, but it will drastically improve my quality of life!


Read more…

I have a reading list of 11 books, although I’m tempted to bring it up to 12 so that it equates to one book a month. My current read is Spirit Junkie by Gabrielle Bernstein and I am officially hooked. The other books on my list follow similar suit; self-discovery, spirituality, miracles and personal freedom.


Be grateful…

This is something that I have never struggled with, I am an over-grateful person if anything! But sometimes it is hard to see the good in every day, especially when your thoughts are plagued with bad ones. Daily gratitude lists and weekly reflections will be my way forward this year!


Be happy and positive…

Through all of these things, I should be happy by default really! It sounds so simple but that is because it is. After years of battling depression, addictive thoughts and trying to shut down an eating disorder, I have finally come to the realisation that my happiness comes from within, so that is really what I will be working on this year.

Here is to 2019; the year of miracles, self love, choosing recovery and moving forward in my happiness!


Do you have any wishes for your year ahead? I’d love to hear them!

Lots of love,

Maddie x

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2018 Goals

2017 was a bit of a roller-coaster, and I spent the majority of the year with my head all over the place, which I realise now, so my main goal is to get healthy in 2018. Without divulging too much information, I began to spiral downwards last summer, and only really believed it was happening nearly 6 months later. My mental health has always been a sore subject for me, I have spent the last 13 years yo-yoing between relapse and recovery. I want 2018 to be the year that I really look after my mental health and take control, rather than it controlling me!

I also want to begin my journey to self love. This definitely goes hand in hand with trying to take control of my mental health. I have spent my whole life trying to please others, when really I should be focusing on myself, my health, and university, so that’s the big change for this year. I think I’ll struggle with this one, I hate letting people down or being controversial, but at the same time I know that now is the time for me to put myself first.

I really want to get back into writing this year. Obviously, I have this blog and my journal, but I used to love love love writing to people. When Max first moved to university, I’d write him every month! I love making people smile or just simply keeping in touch with people, plus I find writing super therapeutic.

I want to excel in my studies this year. I really struggled with first year of uni, but I proved myself wrong and worked hard and was proud of myself by the end of it.

I want to have fun, so so so much fun. Life is so short, and I want to enjoy it, stop sweating the small things and live life to the fullest.

I want to experience more live music, I want to explore new places – be it right under my nose or the other side of the world, I want to do everything with 100%, I want to see more of my old school friends, and I want to make the most of every moment.

In regards to journalingmaddie, I have no real goals that I want to hit. I started this blog as a personal journal, and that is still my intention! I want to still document my photos, memories and music however I’m not entirely sure how I want to do so. Maybe over summertime I will use this as a platform to talk about things that I am passionate about, as this is something I’ve not only always wanted to tackle, but also have enjoyed writing about previously, but for now it will be a personal journal. All I know is that this blog is solely for fun and for me, so I want to document as much as possible for future me!

I am determined to tackle 2018 head on, I have the best group of people surrounding me and I believe in myself and what this year will hold for me.

M x