Self-Help, Miracles, Addiction and Freedom – My 2019 Reading List

Something that I really got into towards the end of last year was reading. Reading used to be a form of escapism for me as a child, I’d read and read and read until I ran out of books then it would be back to the library for more! As the story goes, I grew older and social media became much more prevalent, and although my love for reading never died, it sort of took a bit of a time out.

Fast forward to the end of last year, I ordered “Spirit Junkie” by Gabrielle Bernstein off a recommendation from a friend, and as soon as I picked it up it reignited that flame of passion for reading all over again.

When I was younger I loved story books: the imagination it brought out in me, the twists and turns, the deep emotional connect I felt to certain characters and feeling like I could turn a page and be transported into a whole new world.

Reading has become a form of escapism again, but not so much in an ‘away with the fairies’ sense, more of reading about spirituality, healing and connect – allowing me to envision a better life and strengthening a new mindset for myself.

“Overcoming Binge Eating” Christopher Fairburn

Before reading “Spirit Junkie”, I actually read “Overcoming Binge Eating” by Christopher Fairburn and although I don’t have a binge eating disorder, it was recommended by my eating disorder psychologist so I read it and found a lot of my recovery to be based around what was written in that book. I also got a lot of coping mechanisms from it, as well as it being the most logical way of understanding your own individual eating disorder and recovery.


“Add More -Ing To Your Life”, “May Cause Miracles”, “Miracles Now”, “Judgement Detox” and “The Universe Has Your Back” Gabrielle Bernstein

On my reading list I have of course got the rest of Gabrielle Bernstein’s publications! I find her style of writing super relatable and easy going. She tackles massive issues and tricky life changes but makes it all sound so easy (because it is)! I would definitely recommend her for those starting out on a new spiritual journey to happiness and miracles!


“The Untethered Soul” and “The Surrender Experiment” Michael A Singer

Searching to find out who you really are? In “The Untethered Soul” – which I am very excited to read – expect to reach into your inner depths, focussing on meditation, energies flowing and gaining confidence in yourself. These two books are on my list for that exact reason. Once I have found more about inner peace, I want to learn how to practice it, how to engage myself and open my life up more for positive change and ultimate inner freedom and happiness.


“The Power of Now” Eckhart Tolle

Eckart Tolle…wow, just simply wow! If you are yet to come across any of his work I’d firmly recommend watching his interviews on YouTube and just listen to him speak. This book covers how to truly live in the moment, something that I have partially learned already thanks to watching some of his work online.

It was in fact Eckhart Tolle’s work that gave me the initial kick up the bum to surrender myself and to reach in for inner, true happiness and contentment.

I couldn’t recommend a spiritual teacher enough, so I am really excited to get my teeth stuck in to this book!


“The Atlas of Happiness” Helen Russell

I came across this book by chance it it just looks super sweet! Little pockets of happiness from all over the world to help you learn inner happiness in a fun and spontaneous way. Learn how different cultures and countries in a light-hearted and uplifting manner! I’ll definitely be ordering this one next as it seems like the perfect bite-sized early morning/late night/waiting for your coffee to brew kind of read.


“Recovery: Freedom From Our Addictions” Russell Brand

Again, recommended by a friend, I am excited to get sunk into this one! Having an eating disorder, for me, came with a whole host of bad habits that formed into addictions in what felt like a blink of an eye. Now that I’m working so hard not only on my recovery but on my spiritual freedom, these addictions now feel out of place but I can’t just pick them up and put them in the bin (if only!).

I absolutely adore Russell Brand and I find his journey to sobriety really inspiring, so this is up at the top of my list too!

His next book “Mentors: How to Help and Be Helped” is out at the end of this month too so I’m very curious as to how the two link together.


“Everyday Grace: Having Hope, Finding Forgiveness and Making Miracles” Marianne Williamson

I’ve wanted to read some of Marianne’s work since discovering Gabrielle Bernstein, as I know a lot of her work is inspired by Williamson’s. I think that this book will be my perfect companion on my spiritual journey.


“Feminists Don’t Wear Pink (and other lies) Scarlett Curtis

First of all, I absolutely adore Scarlett Curtis. This book has been on my reading list since it came out! Scarlett curated this book with writings from 52 inspirational women who were posed with the question “what does the F word mean to you?” in order to gauge exactly what being a woman means to them. I’m intrigued to see the results but mostly to open my eyes to different women’s stances on feminism. A friend said the book was hilarious and hard hitting all in one go, so I am super interested! Again, another early morning book I think, with snippets to easily draw in to.


If I’m totally honest, I can only see this list getting longer, so I better get reading pretty sharpish if I want to get through these initial ones! I’d originally said a book a month but I’m going to be running out of months soon…

However, on that note, any book recommendations?!

I am living for self-help books at the moment in case that wasn’t obvious, but anything light-hearted, funny and empowering is also appreciated!

What books are you reading at the moment?

All my love,

Maddie x

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wishes for 2019

I’m not a fan of resolutions for the New Year, so instead this year I’m putting out my best wishes for myself out into the universe!

2018 was a bit of a wild ride and I was all over the place. I will always remember 2018 as the year that I lost myself but discovered a happier version of myself which I need to bring into 2019 to work on some more, as I’ve really only scratched the surface.


Continue on my road to recovery…

Completing my treatment for my eating disorder was one of the highlights of my 2018. Accepting and reaching out for help was something that I put off for ten years, so accomplishing something that I was so scared of is truly miraculous for me!

Just because I have completed my treatment doesn’t mean that I am recovered. Recovery is something that I will have to choose every single day for the rest of my life. So for 2019 I want to take it one day at a time, having the strength to choose recovery every new day.

Recovery is so much more than me printing off my relapse prevention plan and sticking it to every wall in my apartment. Recovery is a full mindset, and it requires strength and faith to get through. This is going to be one of my biggest challenges, of course, but I really want to be able to look back and say “I am so proud of what I have chose”.


Eradicate bad habits…

They are so easy to form, so easy to quit, then so easy to run back to on a bad day. I have one too many bad habits to list, but acknowledging that they exist in my life and that they negatively impact me is the start of saying goodbye to them!

For the first time in my life I am actually ready to give them all away. I am excited for a life that doesn’t revolve around my bad habits, and for existence that is positively impacted by new, good habits.


Get strong…

I spent the last month of 2018 focusing of strengthening my mental wellbeing, but in 2019 I want to focus more on my physical strength.

I loved going to the gym last year but had to stop due to weight loss, so this time around I’m going to focus more on my strength in the gym, rather than how long I can run on the treadmill for before feeling like I’m going to pass out.

My eating disorder took all of my physical strength, and through recovery I have been given a taste of what my strength could be. I have so much more energy now and I want to do something with it!


Finish my degree…

This one is a big one for me. I spent my whole first term weighing on the thought that I should’ve deferred my final year to have been able to fully focus on my recovery. I ultimately decided against this though, and threw myself into my final year of study – which I regret so much!

But I chose to stay on this path for a reason, so now I have accepted that, I am going to place all my faith in myself and get this degree!


Stick to my routines…

I recently realised how important it is to have routine, so I created both a morning and evening routine to follow each day. It is super simple and nothing too crazy so that I know I will be able to follow it daily no issues, but it will drastically improve my quality of life!


Read more…

I have a reading list of 11 books, although I’m tempted to bring it up to 12 so that it equates to one book a month. My current read is Spirit Junkie by Gabrielle Bernstein and I am officially hooked. The other books on my list follow similar suit; self-discovery, spirituality, miracles and personal freedom.


Be grateful…

This is something that I have never struggled with, I am an over-grateful person if anything! But sometimes it is hard to see the good in every day, especially when your thoughts are plagued with bad ones. Daily gratitude lists and weekly reflections will be my way forward this year!


Be happy and positive…

Through all of these things, I should be happy by default really! It sounds so simple but that is because it is. After years of battling depression, addictive thoughts and trying to shut down an eating disorder, I have finally come to the realisation that my happiness comes from within, so that is really what I will be working on this year.

Here is to 2019; the year of miracles, self love, choosing recovery and moving forward in my happiness!


Do you have any wishes for your year ahead? I’d love to hear them!

Lots of love,

Maddie x

how to do Christmas with an eating disorder

Oh Christmas…being marketed as ‘the most wonderful time of the year’ really is just ironic, isn’t it?!

Don’t get me wrong, Christmas can be magical especially as a kid, but the older you get it’s more like stress central, family feuds fuelled by one too many mulled wines, leaving the shopping til 3 days before Christmas, having hours of awkward, intrusive, personal conversations with people you only see once a year, and for me the big one has to be all those pesky social eating situations!


Recovering from an eating disorder, social eating was a massive hurdle for me, and I’m really thankful that after months of hard work I’ve pretty much smashed it out the park. However that doesn’t really prepare you for the Christmas season. For me it’s coming home for 3 weeks and anxiously checking my calendar that seems to have some sort of social interaction on every damn day, and most of them revolving around food!
Christmas is so focussed on food, and I spend at least 4 months in the run up to the day stressing over hypothetical situations and letting my mind run a million miles a minute overthinking things that will actually probably never even happen.
This is my first Christmas in active recovery, and that is built up as a BIG deal, I even had a whole appointment with my doctor to talk over Christmas and how to deal with it.
To cut a very long blog post short, I’m going to get to the point. I’m taking Christmas into my own hands this year, and I’m determined to get through it like any other damn day! Here is a list that I have complied in order to make Christmas as smooth running as possible…

  1. Just because it’s Christmas, doesn’t mean that meal plans should go out the window! In the run up to the big day, when scheduling in seeing friends, if they do involve eating then make sure it fits in with your schedule! I have specific eating times that I’ve had since I began treatment and they don’t need to get lost amongst the Christmas mayhem. Christmas day shouldn’t be any different, if I can hit my meal plan every day of the year why should this day be any different?!
  2. What are you eating on Christmas day…do you know? I don’t. I made the decision this year to not find out in advance what was being served at dinner, purely because if I knew, I’d spend days trying to talk myself around it. Sometimes going in blind to these things are the best way to deal with the situation, and that is exactly what I’ll be doing! It minimises pre-Christmas anxiety and allows me to tackle a potential fear food on the spot without the overthinking in advance.
  3. Walk away. Sometimes Christmas brings people out of the woodwork that you’ve not seen in a long time, who come armed with a series of intrusive personal questions. Not only is this rude AF but can also be super triggering or just a really crappy, and you are well within your rights to turn around and be like, nope sorry not up for discussion! Trust your gut and make it easier for yourself.
  4. See it like every other day. That is my plan this year at least! Christmas comes with a side order pressure every year and this year I’m not wanting that extra unwanted fuss thanks! Stick to what you know, incorporate your daily life into it and it really doesn’t need to be seen as anything special at all.
  5. Cut down that alcohol intake. It’s so easy for the fizz to go to your head at Christmas time which can really spike anxious and paranoid thoughts, and lead to overthinking and other nasties! This Christmas I’m going to be minimising my alcohol intake to keep my head as clear and logical as possible.
  6. I have a dog and you best believe I will spend as much as the lead up to the day with her as possible! Dogs are such a natural stress reliever and my greyhound is an actual angel in dog form.
  7. Don’t worry if you slip up. It happens! In the lead up to Christmas I’m reading over my relapse prevention plan to make sure I’m all clued up on how to deal with any set backs to ensure it doesn’t get out of hand!
  8. Reclaim the notion of Christmas and make it your own. It’s not for everyone, especially for those of us with eating disorders, so make sure the day is as normal as possible, just with a little extra sparkle!

If you are struggling then let someone you trust know so they can keep an extra eye out for you on Christmas, and if you know anyone struggling then please check in with them and just let them know you’re there for them!

Wishing everyone a very normal day, like every other day, which just happens to be on December 25th,

love,

Maddie x

being a tourist in your own city

The best way to explore the city you live in is to have friends or family from elsewhere to come and visit you…

Last weekend my two childhood best friends came up from Birmingham to visit me in Manchester, and in typical Maddie fashion I was panicking about planning out the perfect weekend for them, but really I knew they’d be happy to do anything so long as we got to have a good gossip!!

A trip to my closest coffee shop, Esquires, got us fuelled up on tasty salads and avo on toast ready to brace a very rainy and windy Manchester.

What was supposed to be a slow wander around the Arndale (I’m kidding, there’s no such thing on a Saturday lunch time) quickly turned into getting caught up in the Halloween in the City celebrations, surrounded by a marching band performing Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” and dancers on stilts dressed as all things spooky. Although slightly overwhelming, it really reminded me of the spirit of Manchester and the reason I fell in love with this place 3 years ago. I adored how busy it was, how wherever you looked there would be something else equally as captivating going on.

We walked around until the cold felt too bitter, and headed back to my place where we gossiped and listened to the busy roads around us but felt as cosy as could be in my new student room.

As evening fast approached, we braved the cold and made our way over to V Revs where we were greeted by the most extensive vegan restaurant anyone could wish for! I’ve been before hence why I decided here for the evening meal, but was still worried that my vegan bestie wouldn’t be as impressed as I was…boy was I wrong! Never have I ever seen someone so conflicted as to what to get off a menu, because she just had so much choice which is unheard of for the modern day vegan who loves to eat out but are usually restricted to a couple of choices. After much deliberation we ordered food, took in the d√©cor and got real life heart eyes over the odd dog that came in with their owner.

When the food arrived my vegan bestie couldn’t quite believe what she was eating was vegan saying she felt like she was cheating her veganism (she wasn’t – the whole restaurant truly is vegan!!). So I felt accomplished if I am honest!

The evening ended with all four of us cooped up in my room playing Manchester edition Monoply (obviously), and for the first time in a long time I lost…but moving swiftly on (not a sore loser I swear…).

Sunday morning with friends over means going out for brunch, right? We ended up in the same cafe as the day before, indulging in breakfast and coffee, feeling super cosy indoors despite the drizzly weather outside.

We took a walk into town and stopped by the Halloween in the City celebrations once again, this time it was a dog parade! From what we could see it was cute but I wasn’t wearing my glasses (shock), and then the heavens opened so we ran home instead and just had a big old chill out before it was time to catch their train home.

I loved having my friends here for many reasons. How bloody amazing does it feel to see two of your closest friends after time apart?! When they left I actually felt a little homesick, which is weird because generally speaking I don’t miss Birmingham, and for the most part whenever I’m there, I want to be back in Manchester!

Having them over made me make the most of a weekend for the first time in forever. My weekends usually consist of either being in Huddersfield or Manchester, getting uni and house work done, and getting a hefty food shop done. But taking time out this weekend, and still managing to do those things too made me realise that I need to start going out and enjoying this city that I’m living in, because in all honesty, I adore it here, and I won’t be here for too much longer which does truly break my heart.

What is your favourite thing about the place that you call home? Mine has the be the hustle and bustle of Manchester. For me it’s the one place that you can really make yourself into who you want to be, there’s no judgement and you can really live life how you want…

All the best,

Maddie

xxx

World Mental Health Day 2018

Today is World Mental Health Day, in case you missed the thousands of social media posts filling up your feed today!

Part of me wanted to just silently nod toward it and move on, however I have now found myself sat in the study room with a big bottle of water, my laptop and a promise to myself to just let it all out.

I tend to say something every year about this day in particular, “look out for your friends” or “speak out”, but this year I’m going full unfiltered, uncensored ramble, because I’ve recently figured that exactly that works best for me. (sorry in advance ūüėõ)


I have had quite the battle with my mental health over the past ten years I’d say. I remember clearly the day I was diagnosed with depression, which came a number of years after I started to feel “not quite myself”,¬†and everyone close to me disbelieved it, with comments like “what do you have to be depressed about?!” being flung at me left, right and centre. But truly, what¬†did¬†I have to be depressed about? At the time I was in college, I’d found my people, studying a course I was passionate about, working with an amazing bunch of staff and I had a great social life. I think that was the moment when I realised that even if everything is seemingly ‘perfect’, you could still struggle.

That was 7 years ago, and I have been on and off medication since. Upon reflection, I’m not surprised that I wasn’t in a good place – I was in debilitating pain almost daily (thanks to undiagnosed chronic illnesses), and I was struggling with my eating (maccies fries and a large diet coke every single day for lunch for two years is not¬†normal eating, despite me truly believing that all was fine at the time). Oh, isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing?!

Fast forward to right now, and I can honestly say this is the first time I’ve wrote about mental health with a clear head. In fact, this is the first time in 7 years that I have had a clear head, even if it still fogs up some times.

Which actually seems crazy, pardon the pun.


The past 7 months have been the most challenging for me mentally. 7 months ago, I broke down to my parents and told them about my eating disorder, and how hopeless I had been feeling. A month prior, I had gone to my GP (who was so bloody wonderful by the way) and had a very similar conversation which resulted in an eating disorder clinic referral…of which that resulted in a two year wait.¬†I remember so clearly feeling distraught, I had just, what felt like, told the world my deepest darkest secrets, the world promised me help, and then within a week it was taken from me as fast as I’d got it, which ultimately ended in me sobbing to my parents over a Chinese take-a-way a month later saying “I just don’t¬†like¬†food” (current me would be sooooo mad at past me for wasting Chinese food).

My parents, I adore them and I know that they love me and would literally do anything for me, even if they have a funny way of showing it – I think it’s just a parent thing!

My mom immediately researched where I could see somebody privately, and before I knew it I was in for an assessment at an eating disorder clinic, where I was accepted onto the program.

And, as they say, the rest is history.


The past 7 months have been the hardest of my life. I ditched everyone I cared about and loved and had to be 110% selfish and put myself first, and that was so fucking difficult. I am, however, very lucky to have the most incredibly supportive friends who allowed me to fly the nest, with a space promised for me upon my return.

I have had to dig up some real shitty things, relive the lowest of low moments in my life; face and fight my destructive coping mechanisms (still working on this one, I must admit), open up about my biggest regrets, the moments I am most shameful of and the shambles my life has been since my bad brain moved in and set up camp in my head, taking away sassy, sarcastic, bubbly, irresponsible, kind, loving and ballsy brain that was once there before. I like to think I am pretty close to getting her back though.


Facing your past demons, working through them and letting them go, is the most freeing thing a person can do, I believe. It is so fucking hard but the rewards way out-weight the feeling of guilt, regret and shame of the former you.

I am not the whole way there yet, but I am being realistic and taking each day as it comes. I have worked my ass off in therapy and in clinic with doctors and professionals teaching me how to free myself of my eating disorder and move into a new life.

For the first time in the longest time, I am truly, honestly, hand-on-heart so fucking proud of myself.


Having an off-whack mental health condition is not something to be ashamed of. I am thankful of all of my shame, guilt and past decisions, and I say that with all sincerity. I have learned so much from the person I used to be, and it will all be so valuable for the rest of my life.

I actually think that for the first time in my life, I am looking forward to living, which may sound utterly bizarre, but I have spent however long living in the shadow of the woman that I really am.

Poor mental health does not make you a bad person, it doesn’t make you any less of a deserving human being. When you are ready, put you whole heart and soul into recovery because speaking from experience, it is so damn worth it.


Now, in my case, I have a bit of work to do. I am currently within touching distance of being discharged from the clinic and I refuse to let it all be for nothing. I’m moving on with the things I have learned and I am adapting them to my every day life.

I am being realistic. I will still have wobbles, panics and set backs, but what I have learned over the past 7 months have best equipped me to move forward and deal with my demons.


Never be ashamed, wear your insecurities like a badge of honour and freaking own it. Reach out for help, demand help, don’t just ask. Remind yourself that you are¬†worth it and you¬†do deserve guidance and help.

I 100% owe my life to the medical professionals, family, friends, boyfriend, lecturers, strangers and other patients at the clinic who share a nod and a smile, who have seen me through the worst year of my life but more importantly, into what is becoming the best life that I can and will live in for the remainder of my days.

Speak up, speak out and never, ever be ashamed.


*I would also like to add that if you are struggling, eating disorder specific here, I could not recommend Beat enough. They were there for me to turn to when I felt like I couldn’t speak with anyone else, and have amazing support in the form of recovery information sheets, friendly staff on their helplines (which specialise in general, youth and student), their online web chats and all the information a family member or friend could need regarding what eating disorders actually are (I know this one came in handy for those around me who didn’t quite understand).*


Happy World Mental Health Day 2018, 

See you soon, 

Journaling Maddie 

xxxxx

Nobody Likes You When You’re 23

Yesterday I turned 23 years young and other than playing Blink-182’s “What’s My Age Again?” on repeat, I have had a big long reflect on turning 23 and everything that comes along with it.

Typically, most people my age graduated from university a couple of years ago and are in big boy jobs seemingly smashing life, settling down with a partner, getting engaged and having kids. Honestly, I have no problem with what other people do with their lives, but in the same respect, I don’t see it as a guideline for life.

As a kid when adults asked what I wanted to “be” when I was older instead of the generic ‘doctor’, ‘lawyer’, ‘firefighter’ responses, I nonchalantly answered “work in Poundland”…and no, my parents have never let me forget it.

Whilst I am yet to achieve my childhood dream of working in Poundland, I think 5 year old me was on to something with that sweeping statement of all my lifelong dreams being attached to being a shop worker.


 

Growing up, I had little to no expectations of myself. Not in like a totally self deprecating way but more so in the sense of “what will be will be”.

I was never really academic, I struggled but in the best part I just knew that I didn’t want to be involved in academia. I wasn’t dim or bad at school, I did okay in my GCSE’s, even if I did struggle to choose four topics, when all I wanted to do was music technology and music I ended up taking child development which wasn’t all that bad because I learned a lot about being an adult but I did have to take one of those screaming baby dolls home for 24 hours that has scarred me for life.

I left school at 16 and went to college to fulfil my passion of music technology which was by far the best two years of my life. All of my school friends were stuck in their uniforms still at the school’s sixth form attending 5 days a week where as I was in college 2 or 3 days a week in the middle of Birmingham wearing what I wanted, day drinking, meeting new people, going out and socialising whilst holding down my first ever job at a kid’s play area – that child development GCSE coming in handy!

After college I took a couple of years to work at pubs, my uncles sporting company and for music promoters in Birmingham. I had fun and worked hard but all my friends were at uni and I can’t lie, all of their social media posting gave me a serious case of FOMO.

But two years later I landed on my feet in Manchester, studying Events Management at a uni that specialises in music, and holy heck do I love it here.


 

Moving to Manchester always will be the best decision I made, it allowed me to be the independent little soul that I always was fighting to be, I met some incredible people and I fell in love with the city immediately.

2018-09-24 21:12:48.960

Taking time to do my degree and getting here a couple of years later than everyone else really doesn’t bother me any more. Getting to 23 you realise that everyone truly is at different times in their lives. I have friends with children, friends in full time employment in some really impressive jobs, some friends making it in the music industry giving me a glimmer of hope that in time, I will be there too!

Getting older doesn’t have to be, and really shouldn’t be, a set back at all. Growing older has just taught me that people work at different paces and it doesn’t matter how long it takes you to reach your goal, one day you will get there and the journey will be the most important and fun part!

So here is to living more in the moment, being mindful and present in the moment, taking time to be alone, because I’ve definitely learnt that me time is just as important as socialising, picking up old hobbies and discovering new ones!

Your 20’s truly are your golden years, everyone around you is at different stages and not one of them is winning this made up race at all. Take time, take chances and take risks because now is the time to be doing it.


 

My goals for myself in this next year are:

  • to be unapologetically selfish
  • look out for others
  • bring kindness wherever I go
  • have fun
  • network my way into a badass graduate job
  • make the most of my final year at uni, it’s the last chance I get to risk-free experiment, explore and find myself for the foreseeable future!

Let’s work on embracing ageing and all that comes with it, rather than cower away from it!

P.S: people do still like you when you’re 23, Blink-182 lied, I have the most wonderful bunch of friends who made my birthday very special:

2018-09-25 20:16:16.0232018-09-25 20:16:14.9882018-09-24 16:30:04.505

 

All my love, 

a slightly older, 

Journaling Maddie 

xxx

July 2018

July has been a bit of a whirlwind month for me, as has August so far hence the delay in this post going up!


The month began with Max, his parents and their friends all having a cute garden party. It was all very sweet with some delicious nibbles and drinks being passed around alongside great company and conversation. The 28 degree heat and glorious sunshine definitely played a part too!


Getting to see Erin and Gina is a dream as of late. When I left school at 16 life took us all in very different directions, and the 7 years that have passed have been difficult in a sense of trying to see each other or even having time to send messages between ourselves. But this Summer has been amazing for being able to see them, and I am grateful for our patience over the past 7 years that we managed to persevere because being able to see them semi regularly has been super rewarding!
We take it in turns to host nights, and I was in charge this time! Vegan pizza & ice cream, wine, board games, gossip and catch ups, it’s like no time has passed at all.


The wonderful Angela dyed my hair but you can read all about that right here.


The journey to Huddersfield began and I decided to stop at Manchester for a little catch up with Amy and Sara which was lovely!


With the World Cup in full swing we went to watch the semi’s at Corner (a fave cute find Huddersfield) with so much hope for the England team but we were left feeling totally deflated when we lost. We did however have a great evening, throughout the whole world cup the general spirit of the nation was so surprising and uplifting!


The weekend was spent enjoying the sunshine, drinking cold coffee in Espresso corner and pottering around town. We got to see The Incredibles 2, which definitely lived up to expectations, I felt like a big kid all over again! Afterwards I wished that we had watched the first one directly beforehand, but regardless, it was a great watch and I really want to see it again.

I planned a surprise date night for Max on my last evening in Hudd. Whilst he was at work I tidied the house top to bottom, pre-ordered Dominos, got out some freshly washed pj’s, lit some candles and poured two gin and lemonades. Once he was home from work the pizza arrived and we put on his choice of film, ‘Captain America: Civil War’ (not a bad choice but not quite ‘Clueless’…) and snuggled up into bed and just had the most chill evening we have had in a long time. It was lovely just to see Max truly be able to relax after months of hard work!


Erin told G and me of a pub quiz in one of our fave local hangs, so we headed down and absolutely bottled it if I’m totally honest hahaha! But it was such good fun, we did come 3rd so at least we weren’t last and we had such a laugh and a much needed catch up.


My parents took me out for a meal at a local tapas restaurant. Now, this was a big deal for me, two things terrify me when it comes to eating, 1. Public eating, and 2. Tapas. This was a big, emotional hurdle for me but the world didn’t crumble around me and I didn’t implode so that’s a massive step forward! But moving onwards…


Erin, G and I went to ASK Italian for a catch up and I ate exclusively vegan, which is something that I’ve been wanting to do for a while. As I have previously mentioned, I am in eating disorder recovery and I am on a very strict eating schedule currently. I have been vegetarian for a while, but skip out on dairy to try and help control my endometriosis better. I’d love to go vegan but it’s not the right time for me in my recovery, but eating out I do challenge myself to eat vegan!

I had the most beautiful customised vegan pizza with peppers, mushrooms and olives and a delicious glass of wine!

It was the perfect time for a good long catch up and we spent hours upon hours chatting which was much needed for all three of us.


The next day was a long car journey up to Huddersfield, in an attempt to move Max from one house to another with his parents. We took a break and went to Halifax again for the day, it was an odd combination of blue skies, 30 degree heat and sunshine, mixed with random bursts of thunder and lightning rain storms!

I was worried John (the cat) wouldn’t be about especially with the weather being so bad, but he pulled through and came to say goodbye, which broke my tiny heart, I love him so so so much and I firmly believe that he always knew when I was feeling down, he would always pop up whenever I was having a bad day. I know it sounds crazy and kind of cheesy but that street cat was my absolute fave and always cheered me up!

Of course it would be torrential the weekend of moving house, but we managed to get it done over the two days and felt very accomplished whilst sat in the new house eating Chinese food and having a good catch up with Joe and Chris.


After a couple of days of settling into the new house, we jumped back on a train and I went straight into work, before packing for 110 Above Festival.

This festival is really special to me, Max and I have been going for the past 3 years, the first year we attended by chance, whilst we were looking for something to do over our anniversary weekend, we loved the line up so had a bit of a ‘yolo’ moment and we haven’t looked back since!

But that will have a whole separate other post, so you’ll have to keep your eyes peeled for that one!


Some July faves…

Album / Playlist: The 110 Above Festival playlist on Spotify to prep me for the festival at the start of next month!

Song:¬†Another The 1975 track this month (soz, not soz) “Love It If We Made It”, major heart eyes.

TV / Movie: Started watching Ackley Bridge, was so sceptical at first as it just seemed like a new era Waterloo Road but I am really enjoying it so far

Place:¬†I feel like my feet haven’t really touched the ground this month, so my favourite place this month would have to be the train!

Memory:¬†Getting to see my lovely Erin and G, it makes the world of difference when I’m stuck at home.

Accomplishment: This will have to be going for tapas and not having a total meltdown! A big F you to my eating disorder and a big step forward in my recovery!!


This month was lovely, intense, hard, and all the emotions in between, balancing the socialising, travelling, full time working, weekly hospital appointments and regular flare ups, it’s all getting a bit much!

So please in advance accept my apologies for the potential lack in posts over the next month or two. I’m about to hit a very crucial point in my eating disorder recovery process and I need to give it 110%, so I’m possibly going to have to put the blog on the back burner for the foreseeable as my recovery is my main priority right now.

I hope you all had a beautiful July and I will see you soon,

All of my love as always,

Journaling Maddie 

xxxx

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